I went back to work today. Very strange. At times it was easy to fall into the normal routine; at other times I found it hard to be there.
I guess I will somehow adapt to the new normal. But I'm not fond of the new normal.
Throughout the day a lot of very kind and genuinely concerned co-workers asked me how Logan is doing.
I greatly appreciate the concern. But I sometimes want to respond by saying, "He has a terrible heart defect, we don't yet know how he's going to end up, and our lives have been turned completely upside down."
Instead I say he's making progress. It's true. And I don't want to be a jackass.
2 comments:
Lein,
Makes you want to hold a press conference, doesn't it?
My daughter, Marie, was born almost a year ago with a wide variety of CHD issues (AVSD, PA, TGA) in addition to asplenia (congenital right-sidedness) and spinal issues (caudal regression syndrome).
Her first surgery was at six days. Her next will be in a few weeks to a couple of months, with more to follow, both for heart and orthopedics.
This morning, sitting up in our bed, Marie said "Hi. Dad."
Every day she was in the NICU, I felt blessed. First and foremost, that Marie was - I hate to say this - "healthy and wealthy" in comparison to a lot of kids in the NICU at the same time. Many of them were at 20 somehting weeks - she was full term. Others were being weaned from their Moms' drug addictions with little doses of caffeine. Others were going home with more medical equipment than you can imagine.
Insurance through work, thank God, was there too (the first time you see an invoice marked "THIS IS NOT A BILL" which has an amount larger than what what you've saved for retirement, which doesn't even include the surgical fees, you'll want to repeat THIS IS NOT A BILL over and over). And my wonderful wife and I had love, faith, and hope, from our friends and family, from our son, and from each other, to get us through.
Take it a day at a time - an hour at a time, if necessary. Trying to think too far ahead can lead to one hell of a migraine, believe me.
Will ping you with my email if you want to converse more, but for now - live today.
It sure is a crazy new life that you have. No one but another parent of a child with health issues can even begin to understand. They are well meaning but they don't understand the pain in having to talk about things that you barely understand yourself. My oldest son has a complex heart defect too so I know where you are coming from. Good luck in your journey with your child!!!
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